Kidz Therapy - Blog

Learning Social Skills

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 01:40:44 GMT

Helping Kids Navigate Social Situations

For many children, social situations can feel like a puzzle with missing pieces. While some kids seem to instinctively know how to join a group, make friends, or resolve conflicts, most need guidance and practice to develop these skills . Social skills are not automatic—they’re learned. And just like learning to read or tie shoelaces, some kids need more support than others.

Social Skills Aren’t Always “Natural”

It’s a common misconception that children will “just pick up” social skills over time. In reality, many kids struggle with:

Knowing how to start or join a conversation
Reading body language and facial expressions
Understanding social cues like tone of voice or personal space
Managing emotions during conflict or disappointment

These challenges are especially common for children with neurodiverse profiles, anxiety, or delayed emotional development but even neurotypical kids benefit from explicit teaching.

Why Teaching Social Skills Matters

When kids don’t understand the unwritten rules of social interaction, they can feel isolated, anxious, or misunderstood. They may be labelled as “shy,” “bossy,” or “disruptive,” when in fact they’re simply missing the tools to navigate social situations successfully.

By teaching social skills intentionally , we give children the confidence and clarity they need to:

Build and maintain friendships
Express themselves respectfully
Handle disagreements constructively
Feel more connected and included

How to Support Kids in Learning Social Skills

1. Break It Down

Just like we break down reading into phonics and sight words, social skills can be broken into teachable parts:

Greetings and introductions
Turn-taking and listening
Asking for help or joining in
Expressing feelings appropriately

Use role-play, visuals, and step-by-step scripts to make these skills concrete.

2. Practice in Safe Spaces

Children need low-pressure environments to try out new skills. Social groups, playdates, and guided classroom activities can provide the structure and support they need to succeed.

3. Use Real-Life Scenarios

Talk through everyday situations:

“What could you say if you want to play with someone?”
“How might you respond if someone says something unkind?”
“What can you do if you feel left out?”

These conversations help kids prepare for real moments they’ll face.

4. Reinforce and Celebrate Progress

Learning social skills takes time. Celebrate small wins—like making eye contact, asking a question, or resolving a conflict calmly. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and motivation.

Final Thoughts

Social skills are learned, not inherited. Some kids may need more repetition, more modeling, and more encouragement—but with the right support, every child can grow into a confident, socially capable individual . By acknowledging that these skills don’t come naturally to everyone, we create a more compassionate and inclusive environment for all children to thrive.

The Hidden Link Between Handwriting and Executive Functioning

Sun, 14 Sep 2025 21:58:34 GMT

When children sit down to practice handwriting, it might look like they’re simply learning how to form letters. But behind every “a” and “b” is a whole lot of brain work happening, especially in the areas of executive functioning.

Executive functioning is the set of mental skills that help children plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage tasks. And even in something as simple as writing the alphabet, these skills play a big role. So if your child finds handwriting tricky, it might not just be about pencil grip or letter shapes, it could be about how their brain is managing the task.

How Executive Functioning Supports Handwriting

Even basic letter formation involves:

Planning: Knowing where to start and how to shape the letter
Working memory: Remembering what the letter looks like and how to form it
Attention: Staying focused long enough to complete the task
Self-monitoring: Checking if the letter looks right and fits on the line

These are all executive functioning skills and they’re just as important as fine motor control when it comes to handwriting success.

Free Ways to Support Both at Home

You don’t need fancy tools or complicated routines to help your child build the skills they need to thrive. Here are some simple, everyday strategies that support both executive functioning and basic letter formation and they’re easy to weave into your home life.

1. Create a Visual Writing Routine

Children thrive on predictability. A short, consistent writing routine helps build focus, task initiation, and confidence.

Try this:

Choose a regular time each day for a short handwriting activity
Use a visual schedule or checklist (e.g., “Pick a letter → Trace it → Write it → Colour it”)
Keep materials in a dedicated space so your child knows where to start

In a world full of screens and touchpads, it’s easy to assume that handwriting practice on a tablet is just as good as using pencil and paper. But when it comes to developing fine motor skills and executive functioning, traditional tools still have the edge.

2. Use “First–Then” Language

Executive functioning includes the ability to start tasks and stick with them. A “first–then” approach helps children know what’s expected and what’s coming next.

Try this:

“First write three letters, then you can play.”
“First finish your tracing, then we’ll read a book together.”

This builds task initiation and motivation in a gentle, structured way.

3. Break Tasks into Manageable Steps

Big tasks can feel overwhelming. Breaking them down helps children stay focused and feel successful.

Try this:

Instead of “Write the alphabet,” say “Let’s do A–C today.”
Use sticky notes or a whiteboard to list each step
Celebrate each small win to build momentum

4. Use Multi-Sensory Letter Practice

Multi-sensory activities support fine motor development and attention—two key ingredients for handwriting and executive functioning.

Try this:

Write letters in sand, shaving cream, or salt trays
Use playdough to form letters
Trace letters with fingers before using a pencil

These activities are engaging and help children stay focused longer.

5. Encourage Self-Monitoring

Executive functioning includes the ability to check and reflect on one’s own work. You can build this skill gently during handwriting practice.

Try this:

Create a simple checklist: “Did I start at the top?” “Is my letter sitting on the line?”
Let your child tick off each item after writing
Praise effort and progress, not just perfection

6. Talk About Planning and Progress

Helping children think ahead and reflect builds metacognition—a powerful executive skill.

Try this:

“What’s your plan for writing today?”
“Which letter do you want to practice next?”
“What helped you stay focused today?”

These conversations build awareness and ownership of learning.

Want More Support?

If your child needs a little extra help, our two courses carefully curated together grounded on research and developed with real-life learning in mind:

Lowercase Legends is a playful, confidence-building course focused on fine motor skills and basic letter formation.
Get Sorted helps children develop executive functioning skills like planning, focus, and self-organisation. Skills that support learning across the board, including handwriting.

Together, they help children feel more capable, organised, and ready to learn.

Q&A with Karen Blackall

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 01:41:45 GMT

From overwhelmed to empowered – how Karen helps families turn family concerns into real-life support.

Meet Karen Blackall – Your Partner in Navigating the Education System

If you’re a parent feeling overwhelmed by a recent discussion with a school, kindergarten expressing their concern for your child’s learning behaviour or following an cognitive assessment by an Educational Psychologist and you are trying to make sense of what your child needs—you’re not alone. We sat down with Karen Blackall, our warm, empathetic, and deeply experienced Educational Consultant, to talk about how she supports families during one of the most important—and often confusing—times in their child’s learning journey.

Q: Karen, what do most parents feel after they have had a meeting with their child’s school or kindergarten where concerns have been expressed?

Karen: Parents can feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to begin to help their child. My role is to support and guide families on their journey. I meet with parents to discuss all things that make their child who they are, their child’s strengths, the parents and schools concerns. I contact the school or kindergarten teachers and any other interested person to get their perspective. I observe your child to see how they learn best and then talk with them to get their perspective on their learning behaviour. This information culminates into a support plan with recommendation on your next steps alongside helpful and practical strategies

Q: What’s the first thing you do when you meet with a family?

Karen: Make a connection, share their concerns and normalise their worries. Explain and celebrate all that is good about their child, pointing out all the positives. Discussing their concerns with empathy and understanding. Find clarity and direction together.

Q: Karen you offer support for parents following a cognitive assessment by an Educational Psychologist, how do most parents feel after they receive an assessment report?

Karen: Often parents are concerned about what the assessment tests measure and what do the results mean for their child’s learning in the classroom, which is perfectly normal. Once the reports have been unpacked and explained in everyday language, there is a huge sense of relief but with that is the worry about how that impacts their child’s learning potential. This is where I talk through how the family and teacher can best support their child’s learning.

Q: What are some of the biggest worries parents share with you?

Karen: Wanting their child to be happy and wanting them not to feel any different from their class mates. The older a child gets the more aware they are their learning levels compared to their friends. By going through the recommendations within the report and what that will look like in the classroom helps parents feel empowered not overwhelmed. Reassuring them that the information in the report will help guide the classroom teacher’s approach to learning means their child will not “fall through the cracks”, and can reach their learning potential.

Q: How do you help schools understand and support a child better?

Karen: I am available to attend school meetings and advocate for your child and family. I work alongside teachers to establish learning pathways. This approach helps the teachers understand the ‘why’ behind their students learning differences or current behaviour I can make recommendations on how the information can be adapted in the classroom environment.

Q: Some parents say their child is bright but ‘can’t get started’—is that something you help with?

Karen: Yes! I support students to understand how they learn best. Providing practical ideas to conquer their worries about tasks in a practical way. Through teaching them organisational skills, tool for planning, seeking priorities of where they need to start and how best to spend their time students start feeling good about their learning.

Q: What would you say to a parent whose child is having behaviour struggles?

Karen: Explain that all behaviour is communication, what is their child wanting to communicate to them? Discovering the triggers for the behaviour and preventing them from happening in the first place is the best approach to eliminating undesirable behaviour. Providing practical strategies for parents to respond to that unwanted behaviour that protects the relationship they have with their child. This same process of identifying thus preventing the undesirable behaviour can occur with teachers at school. Providing teachers with a positive approach and practical strategies will reduce and eliminate undesired behaviour at school, therefore providing the best environment for their child to learn.

Q: Do you work directly with children as well?

Karen: Yes, I always start with the child’s strengths to build a connection, I praise often and use humour to make them feel at ease. I explain that together we can help them be their best self. I use lots of practical examples and we discuss possible solutions to any challenges that arise in a fun and relatable way. We discuss how they learn, and any social situations so the child can see how they and others might feel in any situation. I provide a toolbox of strategies that they can choose to use now or later. I record discussion in a book and share these with teachers and families, which become a reference when needing reminding later. My aim is for every child to feel good about them self as learner.

Q: What if parents are just really stuck and don’t know where to start?

Karen: Reassuring parents that they are not alone in their child’s learning journey. It’s a ‘one step at a time’ approach, choosing one area to focus on at a time, selecting one strategy first and then working from there. I make myself available to problem solve and brainstorm as we go, providing reassurance and guidance along the way.

Q: If you could say one thing to a parent who is struggling right now, what would it be?

Karen: “You are doing a great job, parenting is not easy”. Reassurance parents that there are pathways forward and solutions to their concerns with positive outcomes.

Final Words from Karen:

Every child deserves to be the best version of themselves, they deserve to be heard and understood. They will be a successful adult given time and guidance. I am here to help you navigate your child’s learning pathway and the schooling system. I want to set your child up for success so they can reach their learning potential.

Father's Day

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 22:03:07 GMT

Fatherhood isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about being present. At Kidz Therapy, we see every day how powerful it is when dads show up emotionally, not just physically.

The Gift of Being Present

Why Therapy Matters for Dads

Therapy isn’t just for crisis. It’s a space for reflection, growth, and connection. For dads, it can be a powerful tool to:

Understand your child’s emotional world
Break generational cycles
Manage stress, anger, or anxiety
Build stronger relationships at home

Many fathers carry silent pressures — to be strong, to hold it together, to never show vulnerability. But here’s the truth: your emotional wellbeing directly impacts your child’s. When you take care of yourself, you model resilience, empathy, and emotional intelligence.

Sometimes your child just needs to be heard, not helped.

It’s natural to want to fix things for your child. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply listen.
When you give your child space to express themselves — without rushing to solve — you build trust, safety, and emotional resilience.

Your mental health matters. Therapy isn’t a weakness, it’s a tool for growth.

Many dads carry silent pressures — to be strong, to hold it together, to never show vulnerability. But your wellbeing matters.
Therapy offers a space to reflect, recharge, and grow. It helps you show up more fully for your family — not because you’re broken, but because you care.

Name your feelings, it teaches your child it’s okay to feel theirs too!

Children learn emotional skills by watching us. When you name your own feelings — “I’m feeling frustrated,” “I’m a bit overwhelmed today” — you give your child permission to do the same.
This builds emotional intelligence and helps your child feel safe expressing themselves.

You don’t have to be a perfect dad. Just a present one.

Your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be there.
To listen. To show up. To try again after a tough day.
Connection matters more than perfection — and every moment you choose presence, you’re building something powerful.

Growing Together

Therapy can help dads:

Understand their child’s emotional world
Break generational cycles
Manage stress, anger, or anxiety
Build stronger relationships at home

Whether you’re a new dad, a seasoned parent, or a father figure — your presence matters. And if you ever feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure, we’re here to help.

Raising Resilient Kids - 6 Strategies That Really Work

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 02:57:11 GMT

Life isn’t always smooth sailing and that’s okay! One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to bounce back, adapt, and thrive in the face of challenges. That’s what resilience is all about.

Helping Your Child Build Resilience – 1 Step at a Time

We know that resilience isn’t something kids are born with, it’s something they learn. And the good news? You play a powerful role in helping them build it. We’ve put together six practical strategies to help you raise resilient kids. These are easy to implement, backed by research, and designed to fit into everyday life.

1. Foster Strong Connections

Children flourish when they feel safe, loved, and truly seen. Building strong emotional connections doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s often the small, everyday moments that matter most. A cuddle before bed, a chat in the car after school, or a shared laugh around the dinner table can create a sense of security and belonging. These moments of connection help children feel supported and valued, laying the foundation for resilience and emotional well-being.

Daily Check-Ins : Ask your child about the best and hardest parts of their day.
One-on-One Time : Schedule regular moments just for them, even 10 minutes of undivided attention can make a big difference.
Family Rituals : Create simple routines like bedtime stories, weekend walks, or shared meals to build connection.

2. Encourage Problem-Solving

When challenges arise, it can be tempting to step in and fix things for your child, but guiding them to find their own solutions builds confidence and resilience.

Use “What If” Questions : Help your child explore different outcomes and solutions.
Break It Down : Teach them to tackle problems step-by-step instead of feeling overwhelmed.
Role Play : Practice tricky situations (like asking for help or dealing with conflict) through pretend play

3. Model Positive Self-Talk

Children absorb the way we speak, not just to them, but to ourselves. By modeling encouraging and compassionate self-talk, we teach them how to approach challenges with a growth mindset.

Narrate Your Thinking : Say things like, “I’m feeling frustrated, but I know I can figure this out.”
Reframe Mistakes: Turn “I can’t do this” into “I can’t do this yet.”
Use Affirmations : Create a list of empowering phrases and say them together each morning.

4. Teach Coping Skills

Resilient kids aren’t born knowing how to manage stress, they learn it through practice. Help your child build a toolbox of coping strategies they can turn to when emotions run high. This might include deep breathing, drawing, going for a walk, or talking things through. The key is to explore and practice these techniques together when things are calm, so they’re ready and familiar when needed. These tools empower children to regulate their emotions and bounce back from challenges.

Create a Calm Corner : A cozy space with sensory items, books, or drawing supplies for emotional regulation.
Practice Breathing Together : Try “bubble breathing” or “smell the flower, blow out the candle.”
Movement Breaks : Use dancing, stretching, or outdoor play to release tension.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

Perfection isn’t the goal, progress is. Let your child know that mistakes are part of learning and growth. By focusing on effort rather than outcomes, you help them develop perseverance and self-worth that isn’t tied to achievement.

Praise Effort : Say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked,” instead of focusing on results.
Normalize Mistakes : Share stories of your own setbacks and what you learned.
Use Growth Charts : Track progress visually to celebrate small wins over time.

6. Be Their Safe Base

Children need to know they can come to you, no matter what. When you offer a safe, non-judgmental space, they’re more likely to take healthy risks, explore new ideas, and learn from their mistakes. Your presence and acceptance give them the courage to face life’s ups and downs with confidence.

Listen Without Fixing : Let them talk without jumping in with solutions right away.
Validate Feelings : Say, “It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here with you.”
Stay Consistent : Keep routines and boundaries predictable to help them feel secure.

You've got this - AND So Do They

Building resilience is a journey, not a destination. Every moment you spend encouraging, listening, and guiding your child helps shape their ability to thrive.

8 Amazing Benefits of Long-term Tuition

Mon, 13 May 2024 00:24:02 GMT

While improved academic achievement is often the main reason parents seek private tuition, it is just one of the many benefits that long term tutoring can provide.

Investing in private tuition is a financial commitment that parents make to help their children academically. However, the benefits extend far beyond academic improvement with long-term tuition offering a much more substantial return on investment than better grades.

“Parents often overestimate the support that schools can provide to their child at an individual level, even with smaller class sizes” says Marie Kelly, Educational Psychologist and Founder of KTL Tuition.

Below are 8 of the amazing benefits that long-term tuition can provide:

1. Confidence building

Tutors foster a safe space to ask questions without the fear of looking stupid in front of peers

Tutors can provide a private and safe environment to ask questions. Not many people are willing to ask questions in front of their peers for fear of being seen as “stupid”. The awkward teenage years leave students especially vulnerable to this notion.

Fear of asking “stupid questions” can create a major blockage to learning and confidence. Tutors are more approachable, and the one-on-one environment fosters a safe space for students to explore subject areas they struggle with in class and over time building their confidence.

2. Mentorship

Tutors can act as role models

A positive attitude towards learning can hugely improve performance. Tutors not only teach but act as role models. Many tutors are only a few years down the academic track from the student and can teach them what is possible with the right attitude.

3. Builds accountability and motivation

Tutors act like personal academic trainers for your child

We all know that self-discipline is hard! Sometimes a gym membership alone is not enough to keep us motivated and accountable to exercise. That’s why person trainers are great! Tutors are like personal academic trainers for your child – keeping them accountable and motivated to achieve their academic goals.

4. Promotes in-depth understanding and strategic thinking

The one-on-one environment opens up space and time to explore subjects

The classroom is a constrained environment, there is often not enough time or teachers to create in-depth understanding and strategic thought. Teachers are working to pack in the required curriculum and cannot adapt the pace to individuals.

The one-on-one environment created through tuition opens up space and time to explore subjects that students find challenging at a more in-depth level. This improves retention of information and performance under exam conditions.

5. Better exam preparation

Tutors can provide targeted exam preparation

Exams are stressful!!! However, private tuition can be particularly beneficial for exam preparation, as tutors can provide targeted assistance, help with exam strategies, and build confidence.

6. Protects your parenting relationship

Parents often struggle to teach their own children

Have you ever tried to tutor your own child and just ended up in tears? I think most parents had that experience during the Covid pandemic and do not wish to repeat it! Private tuition can be a godsend to help protect the parent-child relationship, by removing that burden from the parent. Children tend to respond better to tutors, especially as they have more recent knowledge of the curriculum and what is required and did not learn maths with the dinosaurs. (Their thoughts not ours!)

7. Enables exploration of Interests

Provides opportunity for intellectual curiosity

Private tutors can delve into topics beyond the standard curriculum, catering to the student's interests and passions. This can foster a love for learning and encourage intellectual curiosity.

8. Improved academic performance

Immediate feedback helps accelerate learning

With one-on-one instruction, students can address their weaknesses and receive immediate feedback. This results in better comprehension of subjects and improved grades.

At KTL Tuition we have 13 tutors available to help your child gain the benefits of long term tuition. Each tutor has been personally selected by Marie Kelly, Educational Psychologist and owner of Kidz Therapy / KTL Tuition. Contact Us today for a free consultation about your child’s tuition needs.

How to understand why teenagers act like… teenagers

marie@kidztherapy.co.nz (Marie Kelly) — Tue, 06 Jun 2023 23:00:00 GMT

Recently, I heard a relatable story from a parent about their 14-year-old son Jack.

Here's what happened: ‘Jack’ got his sneakers dirty, so his mum left them to soak overnight. The next day, before the school rush, Jack demanded to know where his sneakers were. She explained that they were still wet and suggested he wear different shoes. Jack refused to go to school until his mum reluctantly put the sneakers in the dryer, causing them both to be late.

The same parent also had concerns about how much time Jack spent in his room, supposedly doing homework but she knew he was gaming or on his phone. Jack complained a lot and believed that everything was "unfair."

If this sounds familiar to you, you’re probably also the parent of a teenager!

What causes teenage behaviour?

While Jack’s parents were understandably frustrated, they are actually describing a common developmental stage known as "egocentrism," a term coined by psychologist David Elkind . During teenage years, the mind undergoes rapid growth. Rangitahi must make a significant leap in their thinking abilities as they transition from childhood to adulthood.

Teenage egocentrism is a normal part of development that everyone experiences.

What is egocentrism?

Between the ages of 11 and 15, egocentrism is characterised by certain traits, primarily the presence of an "imaginary audience" in the minds of teenagers. They tend to analyse their actions based on how they believe others perceive them.

However, the problem is that, at this stage, teens often struggle to differentiate between their assumptions about what others think and the actual thoughts of other people. Essentially, the teen confuses their own thoughts with those of others and finds it challenging to think beyond their own perspective.

What challenges can egocentrism cause?

Teenagers experience emotions intensely and struggle to consider the impact of their behaviour on others.

This is why they often see your requests to stop gaming and help with chores as major intrusions and when they don’t ‘feel like doing them”, ‘later later’ is often heard. It’s also why teens find it difficult to understand why you don’t view the iPhone they desperately want as a basic necessity.

So, how do you deal with the teenage egocentrism phase?

A significant part of the teenage years involves developing empathy and social perception skills. Teenagers learn these through interactions and relationships with other, including you.

The best way to support your child through this period is to reflect on your own adolescence and be as patient and empathetic as possible. Share your own experiences but avoid dismissing their struggles or comparing them to your own.

Most teens eventually come to understand that their words and actions affect others. They also learn that what they're experiencing and feeling is not unique to them its also experienced by others. If you’re doing the hard yards with your teenager, remember it’s a stage just like any other that your child has been through.

And the good news? Egocentrism won’t last forever and usually begins to decrease between the ages of 16 and 18.

In the meantime, if you're having a hard time communicating with your teenager, make sure you read our article 7 tips to make communicating with your teenager easier.

4 reasons why downtime is important for your child’s well being

marie@kidztherapy.co.nz (Marie Kelly) — Tue, 11 Apr 2023 23:02:54 GMT

I feel like I have to make an appointment to see my own grandkids. They have hip hop, ballet and singing lessons and tuition during the week. Then they have swimming on Saturday mornings and their weekends are filled with birthday parties and playdates.”

“Family life is hectic, my children have gym for 2 hours after school Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, then swimming and piano on Saturday mornings.”

There is no denying that family life is busy! As well as school and work commitments, it’s not unusual for tamariki to have multiple extra-curricular activities each week.

Understandably, parents want to give their off spring opportunities to try new things, pursue interests, develop their talents and find their passions. With these good intentions at heart, it’s easy for parents fall into the trap of over-scheduling their children’s after school and weekend hours with too many activities.

Everyone needs time to relax and decompress – including tamariki! Downtime gives your children time to rest and process the events of their day including learning and social interactions at school. Need a bit more convincing not to over fill your tamariki’s day? Here are our 4 best reasons why downtime is good for your family.

It encourages creativity

If your children are not used to entertaining themselves, it will probably not take long until you hear those dreaded words, “I’m bored”. Make sure you persevere! Unstructured free time is the perfect time for your children to exercise their naturally curious and creative minds. Let them discover their own interests and find new ways to fill their time.

Downtime helps your child learn vital life skills

Along with encouraging creativity, downtime also encourages the development of other essential soft skills in tamariki. These include problem-solving, time management, adaptability, decision making, resourcefulness and organisational skills. All vital life skills that will help your child in their future school and work lives.

You get more family time

Whanau time is a very important part of your child’s development and well-being. This is where your tamariki learn the foundations of trust, love, socialisation and communication skills. And spending time as a whanau is not only good for the kids. It boosts the confidence of all family members through reinforcing that they are respected and cherished by those they are closest to.

Bonus! It’s good for you too!

When your children are having downtime, you get downtime too! If you struggle to find time in the day for yourself, this is the perfect opportunity to have a cup of tea or read a few pages of that book you’ve been trying to get to. Remember, it’s not your job to entertain your kids and keep them happy 24/7. Taking some time for yourself is vital to ensure you can be a supportive and effective parent long term.

Exactly how much downtime do your tamariki need?

As with most things to do with parenting, unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules. There’s no denying that extra-curricular activities provide tamariki with the opportunity to learn many valuable skills.

The key (like most things in life) is finding a good balance that works for your whanau. What works for your family will probably look different from your friends or neighbours. A bit of trial and error will help you discover the right balance.

A parent’s expert guide to stamping out mean behaviour

marie@kidztherapy.co.nz (Marie Kelly) — Mon, 13 Mar 2023 22:00:11 GMT

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All parents are trying their best to help their tamariki turn out to be kind and empathetic. But what do you do if you hear reports of your child being mean to others?

Recently, a friend was telling me about the mean girls at her daughter's kindy. Her 4 year old had come home in tears when when girl told her that she wasn’t invited to her birthday party.

My friend was hesitant to jump in quickly. But in the next few weeks, whenever my friend’s child didn’t fall in line with the other girls, similar things were said. She told her daughter to ignore the mean girls, and to play with the other children. She also had a quiet but serious word with the teachers.

Things settled down, until one day, my friend had children over to play. Imagine her horror when she heard her own daughter say to a friend, “Give me back the ball, or you won’t be invited to my party”.

So, what can you do when the bullied turns into the bully in a few short weeks?

What can you do to stop your child becoming a bully?

While we like to think that kids only start to get mean only in their teenage years, tamariki have always practiced a variation of “relational aggression”. It can start as early as kindergarten and shows up from time to time, even from the kids who you least expect it.

With mean behaviour, parents need to take hold their child’s instinct to exert dominance, and turn it into more socially acceptable behaviour. Here are our top tips for preschool and primary school age tamariki:

Teach empathy

Empathy is an extremely important part of your child’s emotional intelligence. Explain how other children feel when they are on the receiving end nasty behaviour. To really drive the point home, relate this to how your child has felt in the past when something similar has happened to them.

Set clear expectations

Impose an immediate, but reasonable consequence for any minor bullying behaviour you see from your child. For younger children, taking away iPad or playground time often does the trick.

Teach the art of a good apology

Talk to your tamariki about how they can apologise to the child that they have harmed. Help them find a way to own their mistakes and make good to that child.

Talk through the reasons that drove the bullying behaviour

In my friend’s situation, she first acknowledged the frustration her daughter felt when the other child didn’t give her ball back. She then had her daughter brainstorm other ways of dealing with the situation.

They also talked about how different ways of handling the situation would affect the other child’s feelings and how she could honour her own needs and desires without causing hurt to others. Needless to say, this was not a one-time conversation!

While the above tips will work with younger children, older kids and teenagers are another kettle of fish! Here are some pointers on how to deal with bullying behaviour in your rangitahi:

Set a good example at home

Don't gossip or share rude stories about others in your home. Model non-violent behaviour and praise your child when they show compassion for others.

Use age appropriate consequences

Older children and teenagers may need a different, more serious consequences when their teacher or friend reports bullying. E.g., take away their phone or internet access for a few days. Then your child has to earn the privilege back. The time frame needs to be long enough to have an impact but not so long that your child thinks it’s hopeless.

Monitor the situation

Notify your child’s teachers so they can keep an eye out for problematic behaviour and let you know. Follow up with teacher on a regular basis and give plenty of praise when your child is being a good friend.

Seek professional help

If your child’s bullying behaviours doesn’t stop and you end up constantly working with your child’s on social behaviour, it might be time to seek some professional support.

Our Psychology team are highly experienced in dealing with behavioural challenges in children and teenagers. Get in touch to find out how we can help your whanau.

Is Santa real? Practical advice for dealing with one of life’s big questions

Wed, 07 Dec 2022 23:12:22 GMT

Parenting definitely keeps you on your toes. As they get older kids begin to ask questions that you don’t always have the answer to. Why is the sky blue? What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth? Where do babies come from? However, one of the questions that is always the most dreaded is when your tamariki ask “Is Santa real?

The Santa question often signals the end of childhood innocence and traditions that can be hard for parents to let go of.

So, what should you do when your child asks the big question about Santa?

Before you dive into a potential minefield of a conversation, there are a few things you need to take into account.

How old is your child?

The question about whether Santa is real often starts to come up once children start school. They have more opportunities to interact with other (sometimes older) tamariki who introduce new ideas. Before you jump in and burst the Santa bubble, take your child’s age into account. The question can mean different things coming from a 6-year-old than a 10-year-old.

Younger kids are often looking for reassurance that their buddy Santa will visit and there will be a present waiting on Christmas morning. Older kids might be looking for reassurance that it is still OK to believe in the magic of Christmas.

And while many of us probably think that 11- and 12-year-olds are old enough to realise that Santa isn’t real, don’t be surprised if your tween is still holding on. They likely know the truth but want to still hold onto this piece of their childhood (even if it is just to get an extra present!).

Why is your child asking the question?

Before you answer the big question, find out some more information. Ask some questions such as What makes you ask? What do you think about Santa?

These questions will give you insight into your child’s thought process around Santa and why they have brought him up. Next, use your judgement to decide whether it’s time for complete honesty or a bit of gentle reassurance.

What do you think your child wants from this discussion?

Many parents enjoy Christmas and the traditions around Santa just as much (if not more) than their children. Make sure you are truly addressing your child’s concerns and not keeping Santa alive for your own enjoyment.

Now that you’ve got the basics covered, it’s time for some advice on how to direct the conversation…

Tell the truth

Your child has just found out that one of their biggest childhood beliefs is not real and that adults are all in on the whole thing. Now is the time to tell the truth. Try starting with where the legend of Santa came from and why it’s still carried on today. Explain why you have made Santa part of their childhood.

Use your child’s reactions as a gauge

Keep your reactions in line with how your child is reacting. If they ask a casual question then move onto the next thing, then heave a sigh of relief and move on as well. If your child is on the other end of the scale with tears and accusations of lies, step of the empathy and reassurances that Christmas can still be a special time of year.

This as an opportunity to keep the spirit of Santa alive

If your tamariki are ready to stop believing in Santa, use this time to talk about how you can keep the spirit of Santa alive with new Christmas traditions.

Maybe your Santa present fund could be used for donations to an organisation like your local City Mission or Ronald McDonald’s annual Christmas appeal . Or instead of baking cookies for Santa, your tamariki could do baking for elderly family friends or neighbours.

New traditions such as these can help your kids build their generosity and kindness.

Share your experience

Let your child know how you found out Santa wasn’t real. Talk about your feelings and use this as a time to connect and share with your tamariki.

My child still wants to believe, how can I keep the magic alive?

If your tamariki are at the stage where they are looking for reassurance around Santa, there are a lot of great resources that you can use to help keep the magic alive. There is always the traditional Santa visit at your local mall. But if you’re looking for something a little bit different, here are a few of our favourites:

Although the Farmer’s Santa Parade has already been, there are still plenty of local Santa parades happening in a suburb near you.

The Tim Bray Theatre Company puts on a Santa Claus show each year. It’s a fun experience for the whole family. They also have accessible performances that include Audio described and touch tour, sensory relaxed and NZ Sign Language interpreted.

Smith and Caughey’s in Queen Street is one of the best Santa experiences around. There is an enchanted forest as well as the big man himself.

Spark’s annual Santaline has been going for over 30 years. Your child can call 0800 222 222 to speak directly to the North Pole.

With so much communication online these days, it can be easy to forget the joy of receiving a letter in the post. You can use our Santa letter template to send your tamariki a letter from their friend Santa.

5 reasons why outside play is important for your child’s development

Tue, 15 Nov 2022 01:22:31 GMT

Spring has well and truly arrived and judging by the weather lately, summer is not far away!

Now that the days are longer and full of more sunshine, we thought it was time to highlight the important role that spending time in nature plays in your child’s mental and physical development.

Read on for our top 5 reason why your child needs more time outside. We’ve also included some of the Kidz Therapy team’s favourite outdoor family activities.

Get your daily dose of vitamin D

Studies show that most of us are deficient in Vitamin D ¹ . Vitamin D is essential to a healthy body. It helps you absorb and retain calcium and phosphorus (both important for bone building in growing bodies), control infections and reduce inflammation. The best natural form of Vitamin D comes from the sun.

Outdoors time = no screen time

Most parents today face an everyday battle to limit screen time for their children. If you can get your kids outdoors and engaged in nature, this is automatically time away from a screen and social media. A win – win situation!

Spending time in nature is a basic human need

Spending time in nature is a basic physiological need ² . Nature has positive impacts on all aspects of children’s health including physical, mental and social wellbeing. Many researchers agree that children who play outside are happier and less anxious than kids who spend more time indoors.

Nature helps children learn about the world

Most kids are naturally curious. Spending time in nature encourages children to explore and learn about the world around them. A trip to the local park can introduce your child to new plants, animals and experiences.

Get outdoors and get moving

Worldwide, obesity is a growing issue. Here in Aotearoa, the New Zealand Health Survey 2020/21 found that around 1 in 8 children (2 – 14 years old) were classified as obese. This is an increase of 9.5% from 2019/20.

If you’re looking for ways to get your kids moving, get them outside, it could be your backyard, a walk around the neighbourhood or an adventure to the park.

Kidz Therapy Director Marie Kelly is a big believer in getting kids outside as much as possible, she says:

"I think going to local parks and letting the kids climb trees, swish leaves, and jump in puddles fosters wellbeing and resilience. And that can be a lot more satisfying than a structured class,” she says. “The key is finding something physical the child likes to do – it could be walking to the shops or the library, chasing a ball or beach fossicking. The goal should be to provide exercise with a common sense approach”.

Ideas for outside play

Here are some of our top picks for outdoor activities this summer, we’ve included a range of options to get you started on your outdoor family adventures.

Potters Park

Located centrally in Mt Eden, this park boasts Auckland’s first splash pad as well as a playground, basketball court and learn to ride track. It’s is incredibly popular on sunny days.

Western Springs

Western Springs has a large lake and is home to many swans, ducks, geese, eels and other wildlife. There is also an excellent new playground.

Takapuna Beach

Takapuna Beach has something for everyone, the beach, rockpools, a playground and a large reserve. Plus, its close to the Takapuna cafes for your coffee fix.

Parnell Pools

Only open during the summer months, Parnell Baths is an excellent option for a family day out. It features a 60m salt water lane pool, spa pools, aqua playground and a toddlers pool. It’s also free for kids aged 16 and younger.

Auckland Botanic Gardens

The Botanic Gardens is home to over 10,000 plants from around the world and regularly runs free family activities. Make sure you check out the Potter Children’s Garden while you’re there.

Auckland Zoo

An old favourite for the whole family, the Auckland Zoo has recently opened it’s new South East Asia Jungle Track.

Tree Adventures

For those who want a bit more of an adrenaline boost, try Tree Adventures. There are 10 different courses that cater to all ages and experience levels.

If you want more ideas for outdoor family activities, Auckland for Kids has a very comprehensive guide to the best playgrounds across the Auckland region . And make sure you check out Urban List. They spoke to park rangers to find out the best Auckland parks for picnics, walking, watching the sun set and getting back to nature.

References

1: Nature in our lives: Examining the human need for nature relatedness as a basic psychological need

Hurly, Jane ; Walker, Gordon J . Journal of Leisure Research ; Urbana Vol. 50, Iss. 4, (2019): 290-310. DOI:10.1080/00222216.2019.1578939

2: Mental health benefits of interactions with nature in children and teenagers: a systematic review

Tillmann, Suzanne ; Tobin, Danielle ; Avison, William ; Gilliland, Jason . Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health ; London Vol. 72, Iss. 10, (Oct 2018): 958. DOI:10.1136/jech-2018-210436-meta-analysis

Why you need to teach your tamariki about empathy

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 02:31:00 GMT

Why is empathy so important?

Empathy is the foundation of your children’s daily social interactions. It is essential to building healthy, happy relationships with family and friends. Once your child can read the feelings and reactions of others, they can learn to be considerate and respond appropriately in different social situations.

A strong sense of empathy can also help your child:

Be more tolerant and accepting of others
Show more helping behaviour
Strengthen their mental health

In adults, the ability to empathise is often the difference between an effective communicator or sensitive parent / partner and the clueless social misfit. This is why it is so important to help your tamariki understand and develop empathy from an early age.

How do I explain empathy to my tamariki?

When talking to your children about empathy, it is best to use examples, you could try:

For younger tamariki: Remember when your friend fell over at school and hurt their knee? Did you feel sad and concerned because they were upset? That’s empathy because you are sharing your friend’s feelings
For teenagers: Do you make the effort to smile and remember other people’s names? That’s an everyday way to show empathy.

It can be hard to know how to start building skills like empathy. But don’t worry, we've got our best tips and practical advice ahead.

How can you develop a whanau culture of respect and empathy?

Help your tamariki identify and describe their own feelings. This is often one of the first steps of formal programmes such as Roots of Empathy . Understanding your own emotions is the foundation for understanding and sensing how others feel.
Build your child’s emotional literacy. This can be done through simple everyday actions like acknowledging and talking about the emotions that you and your child experience. By saying “You looked like you were getting really frustrated when Lucy took your doll” you are teaching your child to acknowledge the experience and put a name to it.
Make how others feel a regular part your whanau’s conversation. Use the important people in your child’s life to help them gain a better sense of other’s experiences. E.g., how do you think your teacher feels when a classmate breaks the classroom agreement? Or why do you think Grandma got all teary at Uncle Sam’s graduation?

Practical tips to teach your tamariki empathy

Once your child shows a good understanding of the needs and experiences of others, what next? The next step is helping your tamariki put empathy into action.

The best way to do this by modelling empathetic behaviour yourself. There are a couple of ways you can do this. For example:

Take everyday opportunities to show empathy. If there is a mother with a crying baby in the supermarket queue, offer to let her go in front of you. Then take the opportunity to explain to your child why you thought this would help the other mum.
Visit your local animal shelter. If you want to take your tamariki through a more formal learning experience, visit the local animal shelter. This provides a good opportunity to talk through the experience of pets left at the shelter. It also gives your children an opportunity to act on their empathetic feelings as they happen.

And finally, always take the time to acknowledge your tamariki’s efforts if you see them acting empathetically. Make sure you describe how they were empathetic and pile on the praise. Everyone loves a bit of positive feedback and this will let your children know you value their efforts to be empathetic.

Five useful strategies to help curb your child's screentime

Mon, 31 Oct 2022 07:38:32 GMT

What are the effects of too much screen time?

The negative effects of social media for teenagers have been well documented. Teens who spend an excess of 3 hours per day on social media are more likely to develop mental health issues including depression, anxiety, aggression and anti-social behaviour.

But how else can excessive screen time affect your tamariki?

Disrupted sleep: screens emit blue light which can have a detrimental effect on sleep cycles. Blue light is more effective (and so more harmful to sleep) at night.

Inactivity: Screen time is by nature a sedentary activity. More time being physically inactive on screens can lead to a loss of health and fitness. In some cases, this can lead to obesity.

Behavioural problems: Children who spend more than 2 hours a day watching TV, playing video games or using their computer or smartphone are more likely to have social, emotional and attention problems. In extreme cases, tamariki can develop gaming or social media addictions which require professional help.

What can you do to limit screen time?

Here at Kidz Therapy, we are big believers in getting kids outside in nature as much as possible. Getting out for a walk or to kick a ball around at the local park are good family bonding activities and an easy way to keep the whanau active. It also provides your tamariki with their daily boost of Vitamin D – essential for supporting muscles, nerves and your immune system.

But in the depths of winter, with another wave of Covid-19 rolling through New Zealand, getting out of the house is often easier said than done. So here are 5 simple steps to help you keep control of screen time in your whanau.

Model good behaviour: As we’ve mentioned before, parents are their children’s first and most important teachers. Set a good example for your children by limiting your own screen time.

Keep the TV off as much as possible: Don’t have the TV on in the background all day. Children’s attention is naturally drawn to screens, no matter what is on. Only have the TV on when you are actively watching a show.

Get involved in your child’s screen time: A TV show or video game is an easy way to keep the kids busy while you cook dinner or get some chores done. But try to make some time to co-surf or watch with your tamariki. As well as allowing you to keep tabs on what they’re doing, you can also use this time to teach them how to spot fake news and stay safe online.

No screens in the bedroom: TVs, computers and phones in your child’s bedroom will naturally lead to more screen time. Keep screens in the lounge or another family area of the house, especially at night.

No screens at meal times: Meal times should be used as family time. Use this time to catch up on each other’s day. If your family struggles for meal time conversation, try starting a family ritual like “one thing that made me happy today”. It’s an excellent conversation starter and a good reminder to be thankful for the little things in life.

Finally, remember...

Screens are a part of everyday life in 2022. Today’s generation of 5 – 17-year-olds are the first to grow up as native computer and smartphone users, used to having all the information on the internet at their fingertips.

Use these tips to help your child learn that screens, like most things in life should be used in moderation.

However, if you’ve tried our tips and still feel like you’re fighting a losing battle, get in touch to find out how Kidz Therapy can help. Our Therapy team are experts in family and parenting concerns.

How to teach your kids to recognise fake news

Sun, 30 Oct 2022 07:42:13 GMT

What is fake news?

Fake news is untrue or misleading information that is presented as news. This information is usually spread via the internet. It’s often used to influence people’s views and opinions or sometimes as a joke.

What is digital literacy?

There was a time when literacy referred to the ability to read and write. Like most things in the digital age, the concept of literacy is constantly evolving.

A few years ago, we were introduced to media literacy. This is the ability to tell fact from opinion, and truth in advertising. Now there is digital literacy - the ability to effectively and critically evaluate information available from the range of digital technology at your fingertips.

How to teach your kids to be digitally literate

Your tamariki should learn digital literacy just like they learn to read and write and count. But what exactly should they learn? Alongside information on grooming and avoiding cyber bullying , start talking about the simple stuff: what makes information reliable.

As adults, we know that not everything on the internet is true. But often, kids will need to actually learn that from you. Your child’s school isn’t always going to be able to teach this, so it’s time for you to get involved. You can start by:

Teaching them what websites are reputable (e.g., from a university or respected news agency). And while you’re at it, show them the flipside, websites run by a person or organisation with a specific agenda.
Showing them how to research and check information from different credible resources. This helps them verify the accurarcy of what they’re reading. It also teaches them that while opinions matter, they are not the same as scientifically proven facts.
Being involved when your tamariki are online. Get actively involved when your children are on the internet, pointing out credible sources from the non-credible ones and so on.

Your 4-point checklist for teaching your tamariki to spot fake news

Not sure where to start? We’ve got you. Work through this checklist the next time you co-surf with your pre-teen or teen:

Objective fact or opinion: What information in this website is verifiable fact, and what is opinion? Does the information reveal a bias? Is the information trying to sway you?
Accuracy: How accurate is the information? Can this be checked against other reputable sources of information or just other websites?
Authorship: Who is the author of the site? What are his/her qualifications? Who is the sponsor of this site? What is their agenda? Is the organisation reputable? For example, is it on the site of a respected university?
Currency: When was the site last updated? Is there new information that has arisen since it was updated?

7 tips to make communicating with your teen easier

Sat, 29 Oct 2022 09:21:16 GMT

Get the conversation flowing

“My teenager just doesn’t talk to me.” This is one of the most common complaints our psychologists hear from parents.

Keep in mind that all talk is valuable talk. Sometimes you need to get them talking (about anything) so you can understand and relate better when there are tougher conversations to be had.

Everyone enjoys talking about themselves (even if they say they don’t!). Use this, keep it light and specific, while tailoring to their interests. Try “I saw you playing that videogame and it looked like it really tests coordination. What’s the hardest part?".

Keeping the conversation going is half the battle. Asking the right questions helps you do this. Once you can feel the conversation flowing, it becomes easier to say something like “I loved the way your date came to the door to say hello. What was he like on the date?”

Show understanding and empathy

You’ve got lucky and your teen is hesitantly opening up about a conflict with a friend. What do you do now?

Resist the urge to provide advice. Listen quietly, then paraphrase or repeat what your child said. If your child says, “She never pays attention to what I say”. You say “You feel she doesn’t listen to you”. If your child says “I try so hard.”

By repeating and paraphrasing you provide validation to your teen. You’re reinforcing that what they say is important, you’re really listening, and you get their point of view. If your teen knows you hear and understand them, it’s much more likely they’ll come to you when things are hard.

How to approach situations where your teen needs advice

Always validate their feelings first.

For example, if your child has yelled at a teacher try: “It must be frustrating to have a teacher whose so tough on homework. I can see why you felt like yelling at her.”

Watch for a softening in your child. You will see in their face when they know they no longer have to prove to you how “unjust” the teacher was.

You’re now in the listening zone and potentially the teaching zone. Remember, go easy. Try “I wonder how you feel about yelling at her. Did she react badly?” Be tentative but supportive. Most teens will be able to reflect on the wisdom of their actions once they know you’re not judging them for it and starting a lecture.

If your teens’ back goes up, go back to validation and leave it for another time. Revisit the conversation in a few days. They are more likely to talk when they’re not defending their actions.

Talking without looking

Many parents say that their best parenting moments happen in the car. There’s something about not having to look at each other that makes it easier to talk. Try asking your teen about their day and how things are with their friends while in the car or out for a walk.

Man up when things get uncomfortable

Even if your teen has taken you by surprise or you feel out of your depth, you need to project that you’re calm, supportive and in control.

Teens are hyper sensitive to body language. Don’t change the topic or walk away. Don’t even shift your weight in panic. If you have to, practice your poker face. And as always, validate and reflect their feelings back.

Don’t point out every inconsistency

Teens are confused creatures. “I don’t have a problem” often becomes “I have all the problems and you just don’t understand”. As a parent, you’re left either scratching your head, or yelling at them.

If you’re having issues communicating with your teens, the priority is to create an environment where they feel safe talking to you.

Pointing out inconsistencies in their stories can cause embarrassment (and a shutdown). Often, teens don’t even realise they’re being inconsistent until they say the words aloud.

The correcting can come easier later once the relationship is strong. When the mood has softened, it might be possible to say “You said the other day that you have all the problems. Which feels the worst right now?”.

Resist the urge to preach

Janet Edgette , a leading psychologist on teen parenting, advises that when you have a conflict with your teen, you “nibble at the edges of their way of thinking without preaching” and get rid of the latent power struggles.

If your teen says “I hate everyone!” Take this approach:

Say “I think I have days when I hate everybody, too" or "What happened today that you ended up feeling like you hate everybody?" These questions have the effect of normalising what they felt instead of turning it into something "bad" or abnormal and shutting down the conversation.

Finally, remember...

It may not feel like it but the teenage years, like everything in life is a phase that will eventually pass.

The truth is that no parent of a teen has ever had it easy. Use these tips to help you approach conversations with your teen constructively and build open lines of communication.

If you've tried our tips and still feel like you're getting no where, get in touch to find out how Kidz Therapy can help. Our Therapeutic Psychologists are experts in parenting and family concerns.

Your expert guide to understanding anxiety in children

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 09:34:14 GMT

What are common fears for tamariki with anxiety?

Infants and Toddlers

Strangers, loud noises, and especially separation from a key parental or caregiver figure. Tamariki in this age range usually cry when they get anxious.

Pre-schoolers

Insects, animals, darkness, separation from parents or caregivers. Preschoolers often show anxiety through shyness, reluctantance to engage in social situations, and by being extremely quiet or tearful. Anxiety may also be expressed as sleep disturbances and complaints of stomach aches, headaches and non-specific pain.

School-age tamariki:

While infants and young tamariki don’t generally worry, tamariki over 6 or 7 have the cognitive maturity to anticipate a future where bad things could happen.

Older children and teenagers

The focus of fears becomes less concrete in this age group. For example, they may think a lot about family relationships, war, what their friends think of them or their self-image.

When is child anxiety a problem?

Anxiety becomes an issue if:

It stops your child from doing the things they want or need to do
It is seriously impacting the family’s functioning
Your child’s anxiety is worse than other tamariki of the same age. E.g., while it’s common for most tamariki to experience separation fears when starting school, this tends to be far less common for a 9-year-old.

If you are concerned that your child may be struggling with anxiety, keep an eye out for these common signs:

Frequently seeking reassurance or approval
Nausea, stomach aches or other vague pains, especially at specific times and occasions
Intense anxiety way in advance of planned social events
Excessive shyness
Perfectionism
Appearing worried or unusually quiet for extended periods
Overreaction to criticism
Reacting badly to routine changes
Sleep troubles

How can whanau help an anxious child manage and overcome their anxiety?

Discuss

Encourage your child to talk about their fears. But remember, you can’t demand that the child tell you what’s on their mind. Like adults, tamariki only share information when they feel safe, supported and not judged. With tamariki, it helps to talk to them while doing another other activity, e.g., playing with Lego, taking a walk, cleaning or baking.

Validate

Be sure to validate their experiences. Even if the fears sound silly to you, they are very real to your child. Let your child know that you understand that they are frightened by repeating what they said back to them in your own words. E.g., “It sounds like you feel very scared when Mum drops you off at school because you worry she won’t come back to get you.”

Normalise

It’s helpful for tamariki to know that everyone gets scared at times, even parents. Talk to them about how you face your fears.

Provide coping strategies

When talking about your child’s fears include some coping strategies in the discussion. A good one to start with is breathing and relaxation exercises. Tell your child to take slow deep breaths as if their tummy is a balloon and they are filling it up with air. Or tell them to “go floppy like a puppet with the strings cut so all your muscles are loose and relaxed”.

Help them face their fears

Encourage your child to face their fears gradually. They may need a lot of support initially, but aim to reduce this support slowly.

For example, a child who fears dogs may be exposed at first to pictures and videos about dogs, followed by small dogs behind a fence, on a firm leash and so on. Make sure your child can stay calm at each step before moving on to the next.

Praise positive efforts

Praise the child for facing their fears. For example, if your child is socially anxious, praise them for saying hello to someone in the playground. Experiencing success makes it more likely that your child will be able to muster the courage to speak another child the next day.

Just do it

Sometimes, tamariki simply have to do the things they are afraid of such as seeing a doctor or starting a new school.

At these times, don’t allow your child to avoid the situation. Avoidance can worsen their fear and stops them from learning the truth of their feared situation. For example, a child who has never been to the dentist would not learn that visiting the dentist is actually OK. The key here is to prepare your tamariki for what to expect and then focus on what they did well.

When should you seek professional help?

If you’ve tried these strategies and your child is still experiencing fears and anxieties, it may be time to consult a professional.

We have teams of expert psychologists and art therapists wh o can help your child face their fears and learn to control their anxieties. Get in touch to find out more about how we can help.

Your best guide to a stress-free holiday season

Thu, 27 Oct 2022 09:43:04 GMT

Set realistic expectations

One of the best ways to minimise your holiday stress is to set realistic expectations. Remember:

You don’t have to see everyone and do everything.
You can’t buy happiness. Homemade or inexpensive gifts or a Secret Santa can help cut down on costs.
It can be hard to get everyone together in person on Christmas Day. If you have family overseas or need to compromise with blended and extended family members, take advantage of video chats, emails and phone calls so you can still celebrate together.
If your family tends to disagree at other times of the year, it will probably happen during the holiday season as well.
Not everyone is a chef. A simple meal that is easy to make, is better than spending all day in the kitchen trying (and failing!) to make complicated food.

It’s OK to say no

During December, there are always lots of social events. Especially this year, when many of us have gone months without spending quality time with our loved ones.

You might feel like you have to see as many people as possible, but it’s OK to say no. They’ll still be there after Christmas and you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time when you’re not feeling pressured.

Dealing with family stress

Traditional portrayals of a happy family on Christmas Day can be unrealistic. All families have their stresses and these don’t disappear just because it’s Christmas Day. Here are a few strategies you can use to help avoid family conflicts:

If you’re worried about clashes between family members make a plan on how to deal with these. E.g., plan games and activities to keep everyone busy or schedule your events so that family members who always disagree are kept apart.
Everyone is under some kind of stress at this time of year. Try and understand the situation from other people’s point of view.
Christmas is really about the kids. Try to put them first and focus on giving them happy memories. If you can, put adult disagreements aside for a more appropriate time.
If you have family members who have different opinions on politics and Covid vaccinations, remember that everyone has a right to their point of view. Christmas Day is not the time for an in depth discussion of their decisions.

Set aside some downtime

Make sure you set aside quiet time to relax and do something you enjoy. This could be as simple as going for a walk or spending a night at home with your favourite book or Netflix series.

On Christmas Day, half an hour at home in between events with your feet up and a cup of tea can make all the difference to your stress levels.

Make a plan… and be flexible when it doesn’t work!

Plan ahead to ensure you can fit in everything you need to. Set aside certain times for shopping, food prep, friends, school celebrations etc.

And once you’ve got your plan in place, keep in mind that unexpected events can (and often will) happen. Try your best to be adaptable. And most importantly, don't be afraid to ask for help. Get other family members to pitch in and share the load to get your to do list ticked off.

Use these tips to minimise your Christmas stress...

… and have a fun and enjoyable festive break. It's been a busy year for all of us and we all deserve time to rest and recharge.

And finally, if you’re finding it hard to cope over the holidays, it can often help to talk to someone who is not so closely involved. In New Zealand, there are a wealth of online resources and telephone support options , some of which are available 24/7.

Six tips to help your child beat back to school anxiety

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 11:17:19 GMT

How do you know if your child has back to school anxiety?

Everyone processes anxiety differently, so there are a variety of warning signs to look out for. Back to school anxiety can take different forms including, sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, irritability, fatigue, frequent worries and intrusive thoughts, muscle tension and frequent headaches or stomach aches.

We know that many parents are worried about how their tamariki will handle a return to school. To help make your whānau’s transition back to school as painless as possible, here are our top 6 tips.

Plan ahead

The more you plan ahead as a whānau, the less worried your tamariki will be about returning to school. When your school sends information about the first day of school review it with your child so there will be no surprises.

Work with your tamariki to put back up plans in place in case something unexpected happens. E.g., run through what they can do if they are feeling unsure or overwhelmed.

Find a calm time to talk

Don’t tackle the subject of going back to school when you’re rushed for time or your child is already upset. Put aside time with no distractions or time pressures so you can talk through and address any specific worries your tamariki has.

You can also use this time to remind your tamariki about the positives of returning to school. Talk through what they are looking forward to and what they enjoy most about school.

Give yourself extra time in the mornings

This is really important for the first few days back. We’ve all gotten used to later starts and no travel time. It’ll take a while for your whanau to get used waking up early and getting to school on time.

Ask your child what you can do to help ease the transition back to school e.g., walking them to the gate, so you can factor this into your mornings. And lastly, make sure you also add in time to deal with last-minute worries or tantrums.

Be adaptable

Like any big transition, returning to school will its ups and downs. When faced with change you need to be as flexible and adaptable as possible. It’s highly likely that it will take time for school life to settle down as your child gets used to their new teachers and timetables. If you have concerns, stay in touch with your tamariki’s teacher or a school representative like a counsellor to work out the best way to support your child through the transition.

Adjust your expectations

A lot can happen over the 6 weeks of the school holidays. Don’t expect everything (including grades and friendships) to automatically go back to the way it was last year. Be prepared for a transition period while your tamariki adjust to their school life this year.

Check in with your tamariki regularly

Be proactive about checking in on your kid’s mental health, even if they haven’t had issues in the past. Keep an eye out for signs of distress and take the time to check in everyday to see how their day went and if you can help them resolve any unexpected difficulties.

And finally,

One of the best things you can do for your child in times of change is be available and predictable. Your tamariki needs stability in times of change and with everything else in flux, you could be the only part of their lives that feels consistent.

Tools to help your family cope with Covid-19 anxiety

Mon, 24 Oct 2022 11:25:29 GMT

To help your whānau navigate through these challenging times, we’ve put together some resources to help your whānau understand what Covid-19 is and help them manage uncertainty.

How to talk to kids about Coronavirus

Dr Michelle Dickinson (Nanogirl) has put together videos on Coronavirus and why hand washing is so important. These videos are short and easy for kids to understand.

Coronavirus explained (for kids)

The science behind how soap destroys Coronavirus

How to teach children how hand washing helps prevent the spread of Coronavirus

My Hero is You Books

The My Hero is You series are books aimed at 6 – 11-year-olds. The stories were developed for and by children around the world and are designed to help children and parents think together about the questions the pandemic raises.

Coping with worry and anxiety around Covid-19

There is a lot of fear and anxiety around Covid-19. Our everyday lives have been disrupted. Instead of going to school and work, we’re all stuck at home together fighting for space and trying not to get on each other’s nerves. We don’t know what will happen next week or tomorrow and the non-stop news coverage and social media debates don’t help either.

Kids Health has put together this comprehensive guide to help you, your tamariki and your whanau deal with worry and anxiety around the current pandemic and lockdowns.

The key points to remember are:

it is normal for children, teens and adults to have strong feelings, reactions, and changes in behaviour when faced with uncertainty
children learn from their parents’ responses, as well as what they see and hear in the media
limit the amount of information that your child has access to while still providing them with accurate information, suitable for their age
allow for family time and try to keep as many routines in place as possible, to provide a sense of safety and security

Check out the full article for informative videos and practical tips for the whole whānau.

Do you need extra support?

Please remember, if you or a family member are in crisis, contact your local District Health Board for immediate, emergency support.

For more information on how Kidz Therapy operates at the different alert levels, please click here . We are here to help so if you or a family member need some additional support during the lockdown, contact us . We have a limited number of online therapy sessions available for new clients.

Five ways to develop a growth mindset

Sun, 23 Oct 2022 11:40:14 GMT

So how can you help your children develop a growth rather than fixed mindset?

Encourage curiosity

You need to encourage your kids to become curious. If they already are, then foster that curiosity and encourage them to ask even more questions. Question the why and how of everything around you. Then get ready to learn new things and grow.

Look at failure as a learning opportunity

Nobody can be successful 100% of the time. How you look at setbacks and choose to respond contributes to developing a growth mindset. Help your kids to look at failures as opportunities to learn new ways of doing things.

Help your kids become comfortable with feedback

Receiving feedback can be an uncomfortable experience. Many of us find it hard to hear what other people have to say about us, whether it’s positive or negative. However, taking feedback onboard is one of the best ways to improve and grow. Both positive and negative feedback are equally valuable. Positive feedback provides motivation to keep up the good work. While negative feedback gives you the chance to reflect on the past and look for ways to improve.

Believe in yourself

It might sound like a cliché but there’s a good reason that this is one of the foundations of a growth mindset. If you don’t back yourself why would others believe in you? The power of the mind is an extraordinary thing. So teach your kids to believe in themselves and what they can achieve.

Use the power of “yet”

If you didn’t watch the Carl Dweck video on Developing a Growth Mindset , take some time to watch it now. Yet gives kids a pathway into the future, if they haven’t achieved what they wanted to this time around. E.g, I haven’t achieved an Ex for English yet but I have a Merit Plus

Finally, remember

Nobel Peace Prize winner, Desmond Tutu once wisely said that:

“There is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.”

What he meant is that sometimes everything in life can seem daunting and overwhelming. However, even the impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on just a little at a time.

Make sure you share this nugget of wisdom with your kids!

Our Kidz Course, Building Resilience, will start in Term 1 2022. This course is for 7 – 11-year-olds and will be held at our rooms in Morningside. More information coming soon.

Fun lockdown activities for the school holidays

Sat, 22 Oct 2022 12:10:12 GMT

Online fun at local family favourites

Auckland Zoo
The Auckland Zoo is a fun day out for the whole whānau. Even if you can’t visit the animals, their Kids hub is packed full of animal related activities to keep your tamariki happy at home.

Auckland Zoo Kids Hub

Motat
Similar to the Auckland Zoo, the Motat website has a kids section bursting with activities, games and fun all with a technology twist.

MOTAT.FUN Kids

Auckland Art Gallery

For those who have creative kids, the Auckland Art Gallery offers virtual tours of selected exhibitions (one has been especially designed with families in mind) and downloadable activity sheets.

Auckland Art Gallery Virtual Tours

Auckland Art Gallery Family Activities

Auckland Museum

The Auckland Museum is a treasure trove of virtual activities for design especially for tamariki. There are downloadable activities, quizzes, online learning sessions and weekly livestream events for all ages. You can also view over 80,000 records and 300,00 openly licensed images through the Collections Online – enough to keep even the most curious minds busy!

Auckland Museum at Home for Kids

Auckland Museum Collections Online

New Zealand Maritime Museum

For those who have budding sailors, the New Zealand Maritime Museum has a wealth of online activities in their Mini Mauis Club. They also have an extensive online collection featuring objects relating to Aotearoa’s deep-rooted maritime history.

Mini Mauis Club

New Zealand Maritime Museum Online Collection

Visit world renowned attractions without leaving home

While international travel is still a while away, you can take the kids on a virtual tour of some of the world’s top attractions from the comfort of your own home.

MoMA Online Collection – The New York based Museum of Modern Art has over 53 of their artworks in their online gallery.

Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum Virtual Tour – The bricks and mortar museum is in Washington DC but you can take the tamariki on a virtual tour that includes stories, videos and activities.

Virtual Museum – The British Natural History Museum has one of the most extensive collections in the world. They have 14 different exhibitions for you to explore online

San Diego Zoo Kids – This world famous zoo has live cams of 13 animals so you can see them in action

Virtual Tour of Legoland Florida – Lego is one of the world’s most beloved brands. With this site, you can take a virtual tour of their Florida resort, including experiencing some of the rides through VR.

While we are hoping to be able to visit some of our local attractions in person these school holidays, there are many options to keep your whānaubusy if you need to spend some days at home. As well as these ideas, KTL Tuition published A – Z boredom busters for kids the other week. If you haven’t already, make sure you check it out – there’s something for everyone, what ever their interests.

Six effective ways to build resilient kids

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 12:13:58 GMT

Resilience is a trait we all need. Especially when this year hasn’t been easy. But it’s been a real-life exercise in the power of resilience, especially now that lockdown fatigue has well and truly set in.

What is resilience?

Resilience is a trait that helps us cope with challenges that life throws at all of us. It is a learned set of behaviours that allows us all to bounce back. It’s about continuing to move forward, despite setbacks.

It can be as simple as resetting our goals or asking for help.

The good news is resilience can be taught, but how can we do this?

Acknowledge that dealing with disappointment can hurt

Don’t bottle that disappointment up inside – talking about it gets it out in the open. It is important for your kids to be self-aware of their feelings. Share your past experiences with your kids. Maybe talk about a time when something didn’t go your way and you had to get back up on the horse.

Talk about their strengths

These may have been pushed into the background when facing difficult times. Don’t overpraise them but do point out how their strengths have helped them in the past. Talk about this regularly not just when something goes pear-shaped.

Offer support but don’t be the ‘fixer’ all the time

Help your kids think about solutions but don’t do all the thinking for them. Working through challenges physically and mentally is what builds resilience.

Talk about how they tried to handle a tricky situation

Help them to see the bigger picture. Yes, that was a difficult situation but you looked for solutions. These can help you next time you face something similar. There are good resources available to help illustrate this, especially for younger kids, e.g., the book Ooey Gooey Gone by Karen Mowbray

Make sure they know they can ask for help

They need to know this isn’t a sign of weakness or failure – we all need support at times. Adults seek it from our partners and friends when times get tough. Your kids need to know it is okay to ask for help whenever they need it.

Build confidence that things will improve

Right now, it is challenging for everyone, but things will get better. In the meantime, acknowledge the small things. This might be finishing their maths or writing for two minutes longer. Make sure you celebrate small gains that will lead to bigger achievements.

Key Takeaways

Learning to be resilient will help your child through difficult times now and in the future. Remember,
Resilience is about learning from setbacks
Understanding their own strengths helps kids build resilience
Help kids work through challenges, rather than jumping in to fix them

Bonus: How to find the bright spots in your day

Throughout the current New Zealand lockdowns, we’ve fielded an increasing number of communications from parents worried about their kids. The impact of distance learning and being unable to see their friends and family has caused a lot of kids to struggle.

One way to highlight bright spots for your whanau is with reflection. At the end of the day, you could use Three Good Things . Another variation is getting everyone in your family to share something they are thankful for that day.

These are something to do at shared time, maybe dinner. They’re strategies to think about small moments that sparked joy.

They remind us of the good that’s all around us, even when things might not be ideal.

Our Kidz Course, Building Resilience, will start in Term 1 2022. This course is for 7 – 11-year-olds and will be held at our rooms in Morningside. More information coming soon.

Various sources are acknowledged. Understood, Psychology today,

Simple strategies to cope with self-isolation

Thu, 20 Oct 2022 12:38:01 GMT

Don’t feel you have to tackle the whole list at once. But if you are feeling overwhelmed with the day to day, take a look and pick 3 to include in your everyday routine now.

Stick to a routine

Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.

Dress for the social life you want, not the social life you have

Get showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, wash your face, brush your teeth. Put on your favourite or bright colours. It is amazing how our dress can impact our mood.

Get out at least once a day, for at least thirty minutes

Get outside into your yard or onto your balcony. If you don't have access to an outdoor space, open the windows and blast the fan. It is amazing how much fresh air can do for spirits.

Find some time to move each day, again daily for at least thirty minutes

If you don’t feel comfortable going outside, there are many YouTube videos that offer free movement classes, and if all else fails, turn on the music and have a dance party!

Reach out to others, you guessed it, at least once daily for thirty minutes

Use FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting—connect with other people to seek and provide support. Don’t forget to do this for your children as well. Set up virtual playdates with friends daily via FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Kids, Zoom, etc—your kids miss their friends, too!

Stay hydrated and eat well

This one may seem obvious, but stress and eating often don’t mix well, and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, and avoiding food. Drink plenty of water, eat some good and nutritious foods, and challenge yourself to learn how to cook something new!

Develop a self-care toolkit

This can look different for everyone. A lot of successful self-care strategies involve a sensory component (seven senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell, vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (comforting pressure).

An idea for each sense:
Touch: a soft blanket or stuffed animal,
Taste: a hot chocolate
Sight: photos of vacations
Hearing: comforting music
Smell: lavender or eucalyptus oil
Vestibular: a small swing or rocking chair
Proprioceptive: a weighted blanket
Some other ideas:
A journal, an inspirational book, or a mandala colouring book is wonderful
Bubbles to blow or blowing watercolour on paper through a straw are visually appealing as well as work on controlled breath
Mint gum, Listerine strips, ginger ale, frozen Starburst, ice packs, and cold are also good for anxiety regulation.
For children, it is great to help them create a self-regulation comfort box (often a shoe-box or bin they can decorate) that they can use on the ready for first-aid when overwhelmed.

Spend extra time playing with your younger children

Children will rarely communicate how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention and communication through play. Don’t be surprised to see therapeutic themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through. Understand that play is cathartic and helpful for children—it is how they process their world and problem solve, and there’s a lot they are seeing and experiencing in the now.

Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and a wide berth

A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone. Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best. It is important to move with grace through blow-ups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges and continue disagreements. Everyone is doing the best they can to make it through this.

Everyone finds their own retreat space.

Space is at a premium, particularly with city living. It is important that people think through their own separate space for work and for relaxation. For children, help them identify a place where they can go to retreat when stressed. You can make this place cozy by using blankets, pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents, and “forts”. It is good to know that even when we are on top of each other, we have our own special place to go to be alone.

Expect behavioural issues in children, and respond gently.

We are all struggling with disruption in routine, none more than children, who rely on routines constructed by others to make them feel safe and to know what comes next. Expect increased anxiety, worries and fears, nightmares, difficulty separating or sleeping, testing limits, and meltdowns. Do not introduce major behavioural plans or consequences at this time—hold stable and focus on emotional connection.

Focus on safety and attachment.

We are going to be living for a bit with the unprecedented demand of meeting all work deadlines, home-schooling children, running a sterile household, and making a whole lot of entertainment in confinement. We can get wrapped up in meeting expectations in all domains, but we must remember that these are scary and unpredictable times for children. Focus on strengthening the connection through time spent following their lead, through physical touch, through play, through therapeutic books, and via verbal reassurances that you will be there for them in this time.

Lower expectations and practice radical self-acceptance.

We are doing too many things in this moment, under fear and stress. This does not make a formula for excellence. Instead, give yourself what psychologists call “radical self-acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback. You cannot fail at this—there is no roadmap, no precedent for this, and we are all truly doing the best we can in an impossible situation.

Limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children

One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute. The information is often sensationalised, negatively skewed, and alarmist. Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (again 30 minutes tops, 2-3 times daily). Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.

Notice the good in the world, the helpers

There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in regarding this pandemic. There are also a ton of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in miraculous ways. It is important to counter-balance the heavy information with the hopeful information.

Help others

Find ways, big and small, to give back to others. Support restaurants, offer to grocery shop, check in with elderly neighbours, write psychological wellness tips for others—helping others gives us a sense of agency when things seem out of control.

Find something you can control, and control the heck out of it

In moments of big uncertainty and overwhelm, control your little corner of the world. Organise your bookshelf, purge your closet, put together that furniture, group your toys. It helps to anchor and ground us when the bigger things are chaotic.

Find a long-term project to dive into

Now is the time to learn how to play the keyboard, put together a huge jigsaw puzzle, start a 15 hour game of Risk, paint a picture, read the Harry Potter series, binge watch an 8-season show, crochet a blanket, solve a Rubik cube, or develop a new town in Animal Crossing. Find something that will keep you busy, distracted, and engaged to take breaks from what is going on in the outside world.

Engage in repetitive movements and left-right movements

Research has shown that repetitive movement (knitting, colouring, painting, clay sculpting, jump roping etc) especially left-right movement (running, drumming, skating, hopping) can be effective at self-soothing and maintaining self-regulation in moments of distress.

Find an expressive art and go for it

Our emotional brain is very receptive to the creative arts, and it is a direct portal for release of feeling. Find something that is creative (sculpting, drawing, dancing, music, singing, playing) and give it your all. See how relieved you can feel. It is a very effective way of helping kids to emote and communicate as well!

Find lightness and humour in each day

There is a lot to be worried about, and with good reason. Counterbalance this heaviness with something funny each day: cat videos on YouTube, a stand-up show on Netflix, a funny movie—we all need a little comedic relief in our day, every day.

Reach out for help—your team is here for you

If you have a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, they are available to you, even at a distance. Keep up your therapy sessions the best you can. If you are having difficulty coping, seek out help for the first time. There are mental health people on the ready to help you through this crisis. Your children’s teachers and related service providers will do anything within their power to help, especially for those parents tasked with the difficult task of being a whole treatment team to their child with special challenges. There is help and support out there, any time of the day—although we are physically distant, we can always connect virtually.

“Chunk” your self-isolation, take it moment by moment

We have no road map for this. We don’t know what this will look like in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month from now. Engage in a strategy called “chunking”—focusing on whatever bite-sized piece of a challenge that feels manageable. Whether that be 5 minutes, a day, or a week at a time—find what feels doable for you, and set a time stamp for how far ahead in the future you will let yourself worry. Take each chunk one at a time, and move through stress in pieces

Remind yourself daily that this is temporary

It seems in the midst of this quarantine that it will never end. It is terrifying to think of the road stretching ahead of us. Please take time to remind yourself that although this is very scary and difficult, and will go on for an undetermined amount of time, it is a season of life and it will pass. We will return to feeing free, safe, busy, and connected in the days ahead.

Find the lesson

This whole crisis can seem sad, senseless, and at times, avoidable. What can each of us learn here, in big and small ways, from this crisis? What needs to change in ourselves, our homes, our communities, our nation, and our world?…

Do you need extra support?

Please remember, if you or a whānau member are in crisis, contact your local District Health Board for immediate, emergency support.

Resources to help you and your family through self-isolation

Wed, 19 Oct 2022 12:45:53 GMT

Resources to look after your mental well being from The Ministry of Health

The Ministry of Health has put together a guide to online mental well being tools to help with issues ranging from depression and anxiety through to building confidence and getting a better night’s sleep.

Ministry of Health Mental Well Being August 2021

Resources to support positive parenting during Covid-19

We attended an online training session by Triple P Parenting last week. After the session, they sent out some excellent resources for parents and carers during Covid-19. These are full of helpful tips on how to manage family relationships and help children feel safe and supported during these uncertain times.

Parenting Tips

Triple P Top 10 Tips for Parenting

Triple P Top Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Triple P Parenting Children with a Disability

Managing Work and Family Life

Triple P Balancing Work and Family Life

Triple P Supporting Healthy Relationships and Managing Disagreements

Triple P Schooling Tips for Parents

Do you need extra support?

Please remember, if you or a family member are in crisis, contact your local District Health Board for immediate, emergency support.

Unlocking prisoner potential

Mon, 17 Oct 2022 13:51:18 GMT

As Speech and Language Therapists know, it is recognised that a substantial number of prisoners have underlying problems with language.

In London, I managed a centre for students with specific language impairment, the first in the country to be attached to a mainstream secondary school, and we began the difficult task of learning about, training in and gathering strategies which we thought would enhance their learning. These students were of average or above-average ability and were not deaf, physically disabled nor autistic, as there were other centres in secondary schools for these needs. The centre was set up because we had a large cohort arising from an extended family and this family became part of a worldwide study to find a genetic basis for their disorder. This gene was found while I was working with them in the 1990s.

While working with these young people with language processing disorders we developed a “toolbox” of strategies, through the practice of what worked and what didn’t over the years, particularly in the areas of literacy, understanding and ability to communicate. During this time, I had to advocate for our students in a gruelling court case and this led me to wonder about how many people appeared in court with underlying language processing disorders.

One of the “tools” in our toolbox included the Six Thinking Hats devised by Edward de Bono . After much thought and discussion, I devised a programme for the prisoners which could be delivered in short targeted sessions, particularly for those on remand, as longer programmes run the risk of not being able to be completed and therefore could be detrimental. It was experimental and we were unsure of how it would be received. I believed the strategy would be useful in challenging prisoners’ thinking and perceptions and that it would give them the concrete means to express themselves.

Six Hat Thinking is a difficult concept and one in which I have trained and used for years but still sometimes struggle with. I designed the programme so that it could be delivered in a formulaic but practical format with a simple easy introduction to the power of each Hat’s function. It was designed to assist the learners to remember the way each Hat worked and to also enable the students who were training with me to become facilitators and to help them understand the reasoning. The trainee facilitators were mainly students of criminology, psychology and law, with one from Mt Eden Correction Facility’s education department. The trainees were to learn from observation initially with further facilitator training to be undertaken as a follow-up.

It was nerve-wracking entering the prison classroom for the first time as I was warned that the sessions were voluntary for the prisoners, that the maximum we could have in each session was 15 but more likely to be 4-5 and that they were inclined to wander in and out at will.

Fifteen men turned up for our first session and respectfully participated, listened and felt able to express their ideas enthusiastically. After the initial introduction to the Six Hats, the men were asked to consider an entertaining problem under each hat in smaller breakaway groups, which they were to feedback to the larger group. Their summing up was lively, interesting and very amusing. The review showed that they had retained the method and its reasons, so they were asked to go away and to reflect upon how they felt it could impact their lives. At the end of this first session, men came up to offer comment about interesting they felt the session was.

At the beginning of the next session, which was again fully attended, men came up voluntarily to say how they had reflected upon the method over the past week and how helpful they found it. They liked its simplicity, its visual nature, the ease with which they could practise it and its potential impact on their thinking and reflection in their lives.

The programme was put in place permanently due to its enthusiastic adoption, by the prisoners, the prison staff and the facilitators. Its potential benefits were enormous, and the programme evolved to include issues to do with their imprisonment, relationships, etc.

After a year or so my role became one of facilitator for the training of new students who were to deliver the programme. The feedback from the facilitators, Mt Eden’s education officer and the prisoners, was overwhelmingly positive. After a couple of years, the new prison education officer took over and my intention is to return to see how it is progressing.

The programme has been rolled out across many prisons and rehabilitation centres as well. Prisoners who complete the Six Hat Thinking course now receive a Certificate which is taken into account for their parole and court sentencing proceedings.

A prisoner due for parole commented to his lawyer that the Six Hat Thinking course is “really good because it helps with negative thinking, it gives you strategies to deal with issues and it gives you a way to plan forward.”

Helen White
Speech and Language Therapist
Kidz Therapy Ltd

Free online reading resources

Sun, 16 Oct 2022 14:02:53 GMT

Authors and celebrities have put together unique digital story-time initiatives to help spread the joy of reading until the school can start again. I have selected a few of the best for different age groups of children, they are all free to access and reading online brings no pressure for the children to read independently.

Have a look at some fabulous resources for all age groups of children to seek out and more importantly have fun. Beginning with the littlies to comics

NZ celebs read
Watch New Zealand celebrities including Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern
Watch Now

Audible
Audible has also made its children’s stories open and free to all .
Listen Now

Marvel Comics – Official
Free issues. When you select an issue and click on it, you just select the first ‘Read Now’ option besides ‘Marvel Unlimited’. It’s a really cool interface to read on when you get through.
Read Now

Harry Potter at Home
Welcome to the Harry Potter At Home hub where you’ll find all the latest magical treats to keep you occupied – including special contributions from Bloomsbury and Scholastic, nifty magical craft videos (teach your friends how to draw a Niffler!), fun articles, quizzes, puzzles and plenty more for first-time readers, as well as those already familiar with the wizarding world.
Read Now

With thanks to Dunedin Public Library for most of the links
Happy reading!

Marie Kelly
Educational Psychologist (reg)
Kidz Therapy and KTL Tuition
May 2020

The dangers of clickbait

Sat, 15 Oct 2022 14:08:13 GMT

This article explores the dangers of unlimited screen time and internet access for young children. It also includes tips for parents who would like to ensure their child's online environment is a space space.

Written by Marie Kelly and publised in the Hyperexpress ADHD Newsletter September 2018

Reading for meaning

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 14:11:23 GMT

Why is it that some children can read fluently, yet when you ask them to retell the essence of the story or you ask them a direct question, they look at you blankly? Parents often wonder what they can do to help their children understand stories. We explore the key aspects of comprehension-building.

A-Z Boredom Busters for Kids

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 14:17:42 GMT

Are you running out of ideas to entertain your tamariki?

We're here to help whether its rain and winter bugs or the long stretch of summer holidays that have got your kids stuck at home bored.

Here's some fun and interesting ideas to help kick boredom out of the door in your household. Bonus: some of these are educational as well!

Create some art:

Arts and crafts activities for nature enthusiasts

Crafts for teens and tweens

Rustle up some baking

Make a bird feeder

Build a website

Create a camp in your lounge or garage

Try coding for free

Check the couch for loose change

Decorate your bedroom, move things around and while you are there check out what is lurking under your bed!

Learn to draw with Captain Underpants

Do some exercise

Eat a food you have never tried before

Hold a paper flying competition

Study free online Teenagers courses and MOOCs from top universities and colleges

Play some board games for kids and teens

Check out those holidays you have always dreamed about in New Zealand and overseas

Make ice-cream!

Get creative and make some jewellery

Do a jigsaw puzzle

Try finger knitting

Get your Lego out and create some mosaics or models

Listen to audio books

Do some letter mazes

Make some spelling mnemonics

Make some home made pizzas

Listen to music and make a playlist of your favourite songs

Make a lava lamp

Awesome Nerf gun games

Reach out and offer to help someone

Learn how to do origami

Take some photos and create a photo book

Practice your times-tables

Make up a quiz, and test your friends online. Need some help with questions? Ask Jeeves!

Take time out to relax and chill

Read or listen to a book

Skype with your friends and family

At night, star-gaze find the Southern Star

Well you could tidy your bedroom, that would keep your parents happy!

Or improve your typing speed

Find your Uno set, rack up those points!

Visit a virtual museum , art gallery or NASA: National Aeronautics and Space Administration

Watch some of your favourite movies again (and again)

Write a letter, poem or song,

Create a website,

Wash a vehicle, that too will keep your parents happy!

Conduct an eXperiment

Yoga with Adrienne

Visit a virtual Zoo:

Best virtual field trips

World zoo virtual tours

Over 50 virtual field trips

Should siblings share a room?

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 14:41:32 GMT

For many parents, one of the big questions is, should siblings share a room?

In this Stuff NZ article, Kidz Therapy founder Marie Kelly said children who grew up sharing a room had learnt to compromise on a daily basis.

“They may have to create rules, for example I am getting changed, so you cannot come back for 10 minutes. This may lead them to be better flat mates or hostel mates at university,” she said.

Read the full article in the link below.

Should kids be expected to live up to their parent's success?

Tue, 11 Oct 2022 14:48:12 GMT

Kiwis need to be wary of expecting too much of baby Charlotte McCaw

In this Stuff NZ article, Kiwi child psychologist Marie Kelly of Kidz Therapy says it is important for the public to remember children should not have to live up to their parents’ success.

Read the full article in the link below.

How to celebrate Halloween safely

Mon, 10 Oct 2022 14:49:37 GMT

Halloween is here, and communities are doing it a little differently

In this Stuff NZ article, Psychologist Marie Kelly says Halloween can send mixed messages about stranger danger and community parties are a good alternative.

Read the full article in the link below.

The complexity of childhood anxiety is increasing

Sun, 09 Oct 2022 14:50:49 GMT

More complex cases of anxiety in children being reported

Stuff NZ spoke to Kidz Therapy psychologist Marie Kelly, who believes the complexity of anxiety reports are increasing.

Read the full article in the link below

Kiwi girl wins court battle to leave Australia to live with her father in NZ

Sat, 08 Oct 2022 14:54:17 GMT

In this Stuff NZ article, Raewyn talks about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Now as as an adult she works to ensure children who have been abused can get the help they need.

Kidz Therapy Founder Marie Kelly, was asked to share her views on the case. Read the full article in the link below.

The Kidz Therapy Story

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 14:55:36 GMT

Small Business: Making a difference to young minds – Kidz Therapy

A short article in The New Zealand Herald on how Kidz Therapy began its journey in 2007 and has grown over the years.

Read the full article in the link below.

Bullying is on the rise for pre-school children

Thu, 06 Oct 2022 14:57:16 GMT

In this Stuff NZ article, Kidz Therapy Psychologist Emma Woodward speaks about her professional experience with bullying and the impact of bullying in pre-school years.

Read the full article in the link below.

The dangers of sharing your kids pictures on social media

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 15:06:34 GMT

Kidz Therapy Founder, Marie Kelly spoke to Stuff NZ about the consequences of posting your children's pictures online.

Read the full article in the link below.

Everyone Counts

Tue, 04 Oct 2022 15:08:24 GMT

Kidz Therapy were profiled in the Anne Duncan Real Estate newsletter.

A fortnite off school!

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 15:09:59 GMT

As the school holidays begins, Sarah Murray meets families struggling to cope with their children’s obsession with online gaming.

Are classes for toddlers actually beneficial or just a waste of money?

Sun, 02 Oct 2022 15:13:21 GMT

Preschoolers can take lessons in soccer, rugby, yoga, hip hop and tennis these days, although most have a limited attention span.

In this Stuff NZ article, Kidz Therapy Founder, Marie Kelly weighs up the pros and cons of pre-school classes.

Read the full article in the link below.

Too much media is bad for kids

Sat, 01 Oct 2022 15:15:36 GMT

Too much media is making our kids violent, giving them ADHD, and worse, making them stupid. But some academic are raising the alarm and saying that these widely held claims are often not based on the fair scientific appraisal of the evidence.